Wednesday, March 23, 2016

You've Been Shot

You were going about your normal business when suddenly you got shot. Here's what you find at hand as you hit the ground and take cover: a gun, a bullhorn, a radio, a first-aid kit, and a bottle of whiskey. What do you do?

If a Politically Correct Progressive or Millennial

... you use the bullhorn to communicate to your attackers that you pose them no threat and are on their side. You throw out the gun to show you mean it. You fumble with the first-aid kit but, not having used one before and not being responsible for this anyway, you forget that and try to radio for help. Since you haven't used a radio before either, can't figure it out, and aren't responsible for this anyway, you give up on this, too. So, you crack open the bottle of whiskey, content that you have done your best and sure that everyone will see this was a mistake and take care of you before you finish the bottle.

If a Member of the News Media

... you use the bullhorn to announce that you are a member of the free press and, as such, have a right to be there and should not have been shot in the first place. Then you offer to trade the remaining items for better treatment and access to the attackers' side of the story, throwing out the gun first to demonstrate your good faith, with the radio coming right after. You think about the first-aid kit but reason that you may need it for trading value, too. Besides, either attackers or defenders will surely have a medic, and your superior interpersonal skills will win them over. And you sneak a shot of whiskey before adding that to your stock of items to trade for preferred treatment by your attackers. You're special. Once they realize that, it will all work out. What a story this will make!

If an Old School, Self-Reliant American

... you patch yourself up with the first-aid kit, saving the whiskey to disinfect any wound you can't easily reach with a bandage. You radio for help and then turn down the volume to avoid giving away your position. You leave the bullhorn alone. You figure you're on your own, at least for awhile. And you do one more thing. You pick up that gun and shoot back.


Nick Catrantzos

Erstwhile security director, intelligence officer, and homeland security instructor. Author of No Dark Corners approach to insider threat defense.